Had been thinking, if all these hadnt started in the beginning, would i be in this struggle? I started applying for overseas universities before attachment ended. I was quite eager to go then. Submitting numerous of my result slips over to Australia happily and receiving much motivational replies from them. Parents view on overseas studies is a backup in the case local universities don't want me.

As the final school semester opens then ends, the excitement of going overseas starts to degrade into worries. I dont know what actually am i worrying about but just cannot keep myself away from worrying. Chemical engineering is it ok and safe for me to successfully obtain a degree? Am i able to be independent over there? What if i face rejections from others? What if i fail to find a job related to this industry in future = wasting parents money? What if i give up half way? What if i come back and everything in singapore, friends and friends change? what if i fail to meet up to the expectation of my parents? What will happen to my relationship, long distance? what if i die there because of any accident? Could something better to have been done with this sum of money? What if i changed to be a bad girl? What if i have no one to turn to? I know it is very negative thoughts but i cant help but think of all the what if.. I dont want to fail. I have church friend in melbourne, i believe with him in melbourne, i need not be afraid of my accommadations or food. I have church friend in perth also, but dont know her that well. Had lunch with my mum's friend and her daughter, they poured positive views on adelaide. I just smile. My parents object that i go into private local universities. Many envied and asked me to go ahead. They say it'w be fun. I am scared. 2 weeks in India, i miss home, my bed and the food in Singapore.

I thought when the time comes i will still be able to do it. Still be able to stay strong and like before, i've grown weaker. I dun like to strain others for myself and i dont want people to suffer for me. Lots of things in my mind..but i dont know how to put it.


Haha.. finally one thing to be happy, i retrieve my deleted blog posts!:) No effort wasted!
http://berr-linda2.blogspot.com/