3 weeks since school starts. God! sail me through the rough waters smoothly, please? :)

Lots of things has been running through my mind recently. Church, friends, school...

Stagnant for months or years in my walk. I hope it's not too late to get back on track. Talked to a friend at church. She never force me into any decision and understands what i am going through. I trust her cause her advise always makes me feel peace. Leaving for another is my consideration. VFC, i've been here so long. I am so used to the way it operates, the classes and the culture here. So used to it that it becomes an unknowing habit every sunday-robotic. Robots need batteries, human need them too. I like days where there is duty, why? Because in room alone i can be myself dun have to face the others. Net lessons carried out in a very FORCED interactive form and serious manner. Weekend changed. TGIF, i TGIAS (Thank God it's after sunday).Too intelligent and talented. Managed to fake everybody but i am tired, really. Used too much strength. God's power is no longer charging. Belinda's power is running out soon. i am as good as dead. I want to hit the reset key. Amos challenged me some questions. Yes what if it's the same everywhere? - at least i have afew close friends where we can cling on to and i believe she won't let me fall. Better than now, no one for me to even look. We can start all again, to a new place, to a new beginning. to do them all the right way again. I want to proudly proclaim to others that You are God again.

I can be your friend, i can console you, but it's so hard because we are on a different set of stairs. How much effort do you take to forgive? I know you are being under-treated, Forsaken, but do the persons how forsaken you know that? Have you told them? What if they didnt even realised that they missed you out. Many occasions.. i agree. You wan to remember them all, you want to see them pay for the damaged they've done. SH i tell you, whatever things you intend to do against them wont hurt them. It's like a squash ball, it'w bounce back at you. Yes maybe you can do something to make their life miserable, how happy can you be, how long can you laugh over their misery. Wad if the impact of your doing didnt hurt them much? 2nd time fire? when is that going to end? are you that free to spend your time n effort on these people? End of the day, you are going to hurt the other innocents. You can say you dont care, well the innocents are going to hate you like how you hate them. Listen, sit on the bee to inflict hurt on it because it stung you. It will continue stinging you. Try standing up to free that bee, both of you wont be hurt anymore. People who did wrong, believe me, they will have to answer for that one day. You are NOT the person who will make them answer, that's for sure. It's sunshine after the rain and rain after the sunshine. You are going to close up at home and think that it will be raining forever, so be it. You hate them but please, dont do it to the extent that you make others hate you, not worth, really, i've seen and experienced cases and i dont want to see that happening on you.